OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
