are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
