He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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