Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
