can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
