Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
