remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
