Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
