well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
