i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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