Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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