I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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