can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
