We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
