Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
