I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
