This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
