Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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