i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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