alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
