capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So squirting runs in the family.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
