All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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