Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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