I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
