Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
