2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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