i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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