I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize