Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
