Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
