my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
