I want to make a zoo with you.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
