Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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