It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
then he tried to convert me to islam
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
