honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
