Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
zippers are such a cool invention
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
