i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
