Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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