In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
