The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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