I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
