The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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