Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
