WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
