wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
His hands were made for my vagina.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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