I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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