The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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