Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
is wine microwaveable?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
