Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
