And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
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I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
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I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
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