I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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