I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
no you cant smoke seaweed
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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