walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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