I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
