Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
