Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
