he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
