Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
