I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize