I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize