Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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