someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
