I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
