You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
