I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
