Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
