Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
