Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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