I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
