my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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