When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
