I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
