I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
